


Burned Out

by SomeSunnyDay



Series: Azure [2]
Category: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
Genre: Angst, Did I forget how to tag again? Yes, Exposition, Past Lives, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 06:24:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22711354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSunnyDay/pseuds/SomeSunnyDay
Summary: As Edgar sleeps, Azure thinks back to similar situations in times past.
Series: Azure [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1631341
Comments: 1





	Burned Out

**Author's Note:**

> Azure is a stubborn being, he needs to know everything about Edgar regardless how he gets it since every version of him is a bit different. 70's Edgar is a l o t different than our 90's addition and Azure doesn't know how to feel about it.

"Azure?"

Edgar opened his eyes and felt Azure pet his head, "Yes?"

Edgar rolled over and jumped a little, he wasn't really used to Azure's appearance. Azure pulled his hands back, Edgar laughed it off and shook his head softly. 

"It's alright Azure, thank you for staying."

Azure's wheels slowed, "Why are you thanking me? I'm here for you always."

Edgar looked down to his hands, the sheets were cold under them.

"..I just thought you'd go back up to Heaven, where you're needed, once I was put where you wanted me to be."

Azure moved and touched Edgar's cheek, rubbed with his thumb, "I'm not needed anywhere but right here."

Edgar nodded and laid back down.

As Edgar fell back asleep, Azure thought back to one year in the early 70's, they had a similar yet more upsetting conversation in Edgar's livingroom.

___________

"I wasn't sure you'd stay, y'know?"

Azure nodded, "I'm not going to leave, why would I?"

Edgar looked to his hands, the sheets looked uninviting and cold under them.

"No one's ever stayed. I'm fine for people, for a couple of days, yeah? But uh...not for longer than that."

Azure knew, painfully well, that no one stayed for long. It hurt him so badly that he couldn't do much about it but appear on occasion to tend to him. He could never be the same identity twice and that made Azure feel horrible, he couldn't be familiar to Edgar.

Azure moved Edgar's hands, held them.

"I'll stay for as long as I can."

Edgar nodded, "Yeah..you're getting sent out soon?"

"Yeah, they need more people for the effort. I didn't want to go but my previous experience made me the best option for a few places."

Azure hated so much lying to Edgar. It made his words that  _ were _ true feel backhanded, y'know? He didn't appreciate the secrets he had to keep.

Edgar laid back down and as Azure rubbed his shoulder, he hoped the Archangel would forgive his absence again.

___________

Azure got up after Edgar fell back into a deep sleep.

Edgar's house was very empty, this current version of Edgar lacked a lot of what he had in previous lives. Azure walked around the livingroom, the world reset itself and he, once again, felt out of place in his companion's life.

Azure poked around the house, he was upset to find a journal.

He flipped through the pages, he knew very well about this being an invasion of privacy, of course but that really didn't stop him. He watched this Edgar only for a short amount of time and couldn't check on him the way he usually did, so this would have to do. 

Azure felt a tear go down his face. 

_ 8/13/95 _

_ I feel something missing, someone missing. I was walking down to the street market and I had to stop for a few minutes. I feel like I was supposed to run into someone today, but didn't. Like I missed them just seconds ago. Why is it so hard for me to find people to connect with? I don't understand, am I not enough? I tried having numerous friends but I could never keep them. I feel like I drain everyone I'm around.  _

_ Satan must have a special type of humor to keep me this emotionally desolate. I tried praying, but as I've come to know, God is like a parent that signed away parental rights and only stops by occasionally to drop off child support money. No fault to him for what does and does not happen in my life, but I can't help but wonder why he couldn't just get me a pet? I'd do well with one, I promise- I would never hurt an animal if that's what he's worried about. _

_ God gives the tools for change but it's up to the one who holds them to use them, he can't hold our hands and lead us forever. _

_ I need to remind myself to eat more too. I keep having to buy belts. _

Azure flipped and skimmed for a while until the last entry.

_ 12/31/95 _

_ I made it to a new year, basically. I went to church a lot these last few months. Everyone was happy to have my help, which was nice.  _

_ I still feel empty though, I'm 21 and I feel like I should be doing something big- like go to parties or get waisted on someone's roof. Have car rides with a group of friends, going nowhere in particular.  _

_ I think I might die soon, not due to my personal decision but- by someone else. I'm going to go out tomorrow and test my feeling, I wouldn't fight the person who kills me too much I believe. I would like to continue living but I wouldn't be too upset over it if I didn't. _

_ I have faith on where I'm going. _

Azure closed the book and put it back harshly. His wings ruffled and he smoothed them out. 

Edgar was always killed before he could do something with himself. Azure made sure that this time would be different, he finally got the chance to change the cycle.

He would keep Edgar safe, no matter what.


End file.
